In early October 2019 my husband and I found out we were expecting our second child. We were ecstatic! Our daughter was a month away from turning two, and we felt ready and prepared. We were getting the hang of parenthood and ready for whatever curveballs might be thrown our way.
But nobody is truly ready for the tragedy of a miscarriage. It’s an incredible shock when it’s not on your radar at all. What was even more shocking was that my miscarriage happened in a weirdly perfect way.
Our Pregnancy Before the Miscarriage
The pregnancy went perfect! No issues were detected, and we told close family and friends early on. It’s common for women to not announce pregnancy early on because of the chance of a miscarriage. But we knew that if something were to go wrong, we would need/want that support from our loved ones.
On Halloween we were able to hear a beautiful heartbeat and were told everything was great with the baby. I was seven weeks along. The ultrasound tech even said, “Everything looks great! I don’t see any issues happening!” Following that appointment, we had a whirlwind of two weeks.
On November 3rd, our little family packed up and flew down to Disney World to celebrate our daughter’s birthday. We got the pins that said we were celebrating baby #2, we got a monogrammed mickey ear hat for our announcement, and we just celebrated the pure bliss that was our life.
I took all the precautions when it came to rides and strictly stuck to the baby rides and drank tons of water.
Our little bubble of happiness was perfect. We were content and happy.
When Tragedy Struck
After our trip I had a routine appointment, and all was still well. There was no ultrasound, just a regular check-up. That night our daughter came down with a fever, and I decided to stay home with her.
Within hours of waking up the following morning, I noticed I had a small amount of pink/brown blood. I immediately began texting a friend who was a labor and delivery nurse to see what to do. She advised to keep watch, rest, and drink water. By 11:30am it turned bright red and I knew then it was over.
I called the doctor sobbing and they scheduled me for an emergency ultrasound. My husband came home, and my parents came to be with our daughter.
“I’m sorry. I don’t see a heartbeat.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t see a heartbeat.” We were told the baby had stopped developing not long after hearing the heartbeat on Halloween and I had experienced a missed miscarriage.
Our world stopped.
We had to make a decision on how to handle this; naturally, with a medication, or a D&C. I opted for the D&C as I just did not want to experience the loss in our own home. It would be a few days before I could get the D&C appointment, so we went home to grieve.
The Night Got Worse
Our daughter’s fever continued to rage while we were trying to grapple with our life falling apart. We called/texted a few friends and family to let them know.
There was one friend I needed to know because she is such a huge support. She didn’t answer me all day. Finally, after hours of waiting for a response, she called back and immediately said she was on her way with ice cream and wine.
As I sat on the couch cuddled with my husband, I felt it. The huge warmth and gush of blood that I was not expecting to happen. I rushed to the bathroom sobbing and begging for towels and clothes.
At this exact moment our friend called and said she was at the store and was asking if we needed anything else. Pads apparently! Thank God for this woman!
Once she arrived, she sat with us and we just talked about the experience and the ridiculous situations life puts us in. Every few minutes I was waddling to the bathroom to monitor the blood loss. Too much.
Within an hour I started to lose consciousness and we made the decision to head to the emergency room. Of course, in that moment my husband’s keys had vanished. My friend made the decision to take me and leave my poor husband behind with our daughter.
After many hours and many exams, it was decided to do the D&C right then and there. At 6am I finally was wheeled into surgery and then on my way home by 8:30am.
That was it. The baby was gone. I was no longer pregnant, and it felt like a dream.
How My Miscarriage Happened In A Perfect Way
Over the next few days, we slowly realized that this horrible tragedy had happened in the most perfect way.
Just the week before we had been on vacation at the happiest place on Earth, my happy place. We could have very easily experienced this loss on our vacation. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be so far from home, with little transportation, and no support close by.
I wasn’t at work when this happened. I’m a nanny, so I have no coworkers. Just tiny humans I’m in charge of. It would have been so incredibly hard for me to leave to get to an appointment. Of course, my nanny family would have let me, they are wonderful. It’s just hard leaving early when you need other people to also leave their jobs early. So, my daughter being sick actually gave me the flexibility I unknowingly needed.
My friend was also in the right place at the right time. She is terrible with calling and texting back, for once in her life it probably worked out for the best. As luck would turn out, she was at the store at the exact moment I needed her to be. She was able to take me to the emergency room because she hadn’t been able to call me back until late. In all honesty, she was probably the person I needed the most at the time in that room with me. She was able to handle the tragedy and be strong for me when I couldn’t. She communicated with my family and friends when I couldn’t. And she held me as I cried throughout the night. She also was able to make me smile, that was a huge accomplishment considering the circumstances.
All of these events led to our miscarriage happening in a weirdly perfect way.
While we suffered through the tragedy for months, we were grateful for how the span of events turned out in our favor. I truly think we were being looked after, and for that I am grateful in the midst of our tragedy.
Katie is the author and creator of Allen The Family, a parenting blog that features content on pregnancy, parenting, and early childhood education. She is a wife to her husband of 6 years, a mom to their 3-year-old daughter, and a son on the way. Katie has a master's degree in early childhood education and is incredibly passionate when it comes to working with young children and their parents.
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