How to Date Your Spouse Even When You Have Kids

Written by Kate Tekurio

Just because you have kids doesn’t mean dating your spouse should end. You can still find many ways to get that quality time that will help you continue to build a strong connection with your significant other. Here are some tips on how to date your spouse even when you have kids at home.  

Give Yourself Grace 

First off, give yourself grace. If you plan something special and then something happens, it’s okay. Being a parent means you now have to be way more adaptable and reschedule things when needed. 

If it doesn’t happen as often as you would like, give yourself grace and try again. As long as you are doing your best, you will find time for those special dates. 

Rethink What a Date Means 

Typically while dating and before kids, dates are fancy nights out where you do things just the two of you. Or it’s time alone where you can solely focus on one another. Those dates are still very important and necessary. However, they might not be as frequent as before, and there is nothing wrong with that. 

These types of dates might be rare in the first couple of years with children. However, there are still plenty of ways you can have dates that are meaningful, and plenty of options for dating when you have kids. Expand your thinking of what a date means and suddenly you might realize you have dates all the time! 

Sit down with your spouse and share your new expectations of what dates are and when you will do something together. Listen to each other and come up with an agreement that works for both of you. 

Do Something Simple 

With kids, we realize simplicity is key. Simple dates don’t have to mean boring or lame. Simple dates can be just what you need to reconnect with one another. 

Simple dates involve less planning and are way more likely to follow through and actually happen than these super elaborate dates. You can still have meaningful time with your spouse on simple dates. I have found that these are some of my favorite dates. 

Dates can be as simple as sitting down with a treat and watching a movie you both wanted to watch. Or, it can be playing a game together, or even giving each other 5 minute massages. The options are endless. 

Every now and then, plan for a fancier date. But for now, keep it simple! 

Involve Your Kids 

Yes, dates typically mean alone time with your spouse. But, sometimes that is not likely. There will be days when it is just not possible. Again, give yourself grace; you can still have a great date. 

We like to call these dates, ‘family dates.’ They are still things we want to do together as a couple, but if it’s not possible, then we do them together with our kids. This works great when you have babies and young little ones that don’t really understand what is going on anyway. 

We like to do dinner dates with our kids when a babysitter falls through or when we just want a spur of the moment date. These dates should be more rare if possible, but when you have a newborn these might have to be your routine dates, and that’s okay.

Create a Routine

Because you now have kids, it becomes easier to have a routine and a schedule when it comes to dates. You will need to sit down with your spouse and schedule dates that work for your new lifestyle. 

I think it is also important to rotate who plans the dates. That way you both take time to invest in your relationship. You can decide to do something you like or surprise your spouse with something you knew they wanted to do. 

Friends Swap 

Take turns with your trusted friends and neighbors on who watches the kids for the night or day. The kids will love it as they get to spend time with their friends while you get some time alone, too.

This does mean you will eventually have kids over at your place. But, it is a great option and it really helps out. We do this once a month or every couple of months and it is a lifesaver. We save this method for when we really need a break. 

Date Night In 

Be okay with date nights in. They are still meaningful and you can still connect with your spouse on a deeper level. I personally consider date nights in as my favorite dates. You don’t have to get ready or worry about leaving the house at all. Your only focus is your spouse. 

Some of our favorite date nights in include: 

• Cuddling while we watch a movie 
• Solving a mystery together 
• Asking questions about each other’s past 
• Decluttering a part of our house 
• 2 minute massage intervals and then switch all the while talking 
• Baking together 
• Looking through old pictures 
• Make a vlog for the future 

There are so many fun and thoughtful date ideas that don’t involve leaving your home. These dates will probably be more common when you have kids; however, they can usually be done when your children are asleep, so you still get quality time. 

Save for a Special Date

Plan for a special date you both really want to have. Make it elaborate and even splurge a little. Make sure you both really want this date. Maybe it is a fancy restaurant where you dress up, or a night at the hotel. 

Figure out what your budget is, when you want to accomplish this date and save up for it. Plan it in advance so you can anticipate it and get excited. Every time you have a date night in, add the funds to your special date. 

Dating your spouse doesn’t have to stop when you start to have kids. You can still find that special time together, and you will probably need it now more than ever. Having a child can put a lot of strain on some marriages. Enjoy these simple ways to keep having dates with your spouse even when you have children.